Being the typical “stay at home mom” was extremely hard for me. My pregnancy was unplanned and unexpected so I never had that moment of dreaming about motherhood. I didn’t think I could even get pregnant based on what my doctors told me. I wanted to travel, to go out, to find a career, and to just find that free spirit again as a mother. I started getting depressed as if I was just now a shell of the person I used to be and I needed to give up all those dreams because this is now my life.
Fast forward to age 2 and I survived. I looked back at that past 2 years and was amazed at what I had accomplished with my son but felt no sense of self. One day, my son looked at me and said “mommy, you are beautiful” with absolute sincerity. (Insert tears, like ugly crying tears) It was that moment that I realized he IS paying attention to me. That he IS aware that I am a person. From that, I decided I owed it to him to be the best person I could be in all aspects of life. I needed to set an example of how he should treat himself because he is watching me.
I didn’t want him to grow up doing things that he was “supposed” to do without knowing why. I want to give him the moral compass that would guide him to positive things that HE WANTS to do. The best way to do that was to lead by example. I dug deep into what I wanted to do. I turned off that mechanism that cared what others thought of my decisions. Of course I made sure to consider him in my plans but that came natural to me as if I didn’t have to consciously remind myself because I was a mother and he naturally came to mind through the process. I told myself, “if you are going to tell your son that he can do anything he wants to do, then you have to believe you can do that yourself first”. So I did just that.
The short version of that is I started a company without any experience at all and it became a huge success because I believed in myself. I started to realized that my thoughts are powerful and if I kept them focused on positive things that I could manifest whatever it is I set my mind to no matter how “crazy” or “unconventional” my ideas may seem. While this business was a huge success it was not exactly what I envisioned in the end so I regrouped and took the knowledge I had gained from that experience to see how I could fit it in with something I could feel good about while also still maintaining my independence.
Recently, I found a course that was in Taos, NM on how to build houses out of recycled materials. This was a month long course. It meant being away from him for a month. I knew it was what I wanted to do and to make a career out of it. I knew that I could pass this on to him one day as well. I also knew the backlash I would receive as a mother that would be away from her child for a month. That didn’t worry me anymore because I made the commitment to do what I thought was best for MY family and myself as long as it made sense. My sons father was thankfully very supportive of this decision and off I went. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.
It not only allowed me to learn a new skill but it allowed me appreciate my son more. It showed me that no matter what happens or what path I take in life, I can and will still be an amazing mom. That it is an instinct in me that will never go away and I will always instinctually make sure he is taken care of so I can follow the path that my heart wants to take me personally and he will naturally follow the path that I have beaten myself. Not someone else’s beaten path.
In the end, our kids just want to see us happy and we owe it to them to show them that they made us better not worse. No matter your circumstances there is always a path that will lead you to happiness, you just have to be brave enough to take it and know it’s what you deserve. Be grateful for the gift of being a mother as it will challenge you like you have never been challenged before. You decide the outcome.