Are tantrums really survivable?


Of course they are, I think once you break them down and understand what is really happening they are so much easier to work through. Let me give a brief background on myself. I am a stay at home mom to an almost three year old daughter. During my pregnancy I prayed my daughter didn’t inherit my attitude or my husband’s bland taste for food. Well you guessed it she got them both. So needless to say I have been doing a lot of research on the inevitable tantrum. The first thing I learned is that toddlers are feeling all kinds of emotions that they have no idea what they are feeling or how to process it. As adults we still struggle with processing frustration or anger or fear and we have had so many more years of coping strategies. The second thing is that toddlers and children have two buckets that need to be filled and the filing of these buckets are nonnegotiable. One is attention and the other is control. You may be thinking what I was thinking when I read that. I thought I am constantly paying my daughter attention and she doesn’t need control she is two. But the attention they need is undivided attention doing things that they like to do. So even though I took her to the park and we do crafts and painting etc. the most important part is the undivided attention. So I now I let her choose what we are going to do, I turn the television off and set the phone aside and play with her. Control was a lot simpler than I was thinking. It is a simple as giving her a few choices throughout the day. In the morning we start with teeth brushing, I let her choose her manual toothbrush or her electric toothbrush. I give her two breakfast choices, two outfit choices and so on. The more they feel like they are able to choose for themselves the better they feel. Remember they get told no a million times a day so any control for them is satisfying. No onto the actual tantrums, letting them just be is super important. As long as they are safe and not able to harm themselves let them tantrum. I will ask her to remove herself from the situation and take a break. Putting children in time out can often shame them of having these normal feelings. And let me tell you the length of these tantrums has drastically reduced in time and level. She usually comes out within a few minutes. I then wait another fifteen minutes or so address it very quickly using a few words and move on. We need to be the calm during their storm. They need us to show them stability and be in control of our emotions so they can do the same. Sometimes the only thing we can control when it comes to our children is how we act around them. I hope these tips will help you and your children live through the inevitable tantrum.